the Journey of Grief: Living with It

It’s been four months to the day since you’ve been gone mom………where do I start is it possible to tell all the turbulence of emotions I have felt over this time. Then watching several other friends face the same gaping cavern of a hole that is losing not only a loved one but someone who was cherished and changed very cultures just by being themselves. Mom do you realize that you probably help save countless of “Millennials” from becoming what others see them as?! Can you fathom the love that you showed to complete strangers just because you could see that they needed a hug? You always saw your short comings, always feared you would become vengeful, and bitter like your dad……………Nope you wouldn’t let that kind of generational curse take hold of you. You fought with prayer and worship. You were human but you loved well mom. Which is why this is so hard for the rest of us. We know Jesus/God has not abandoned us he has simply called you home. I’ve had people tell me he needed someone to run the kitchens up there so he had to call you back. Wish he couldn’t of waited till you could of gone to two more weddings and met at least one of your grandkids. I fear of becoming Job’s wife and being angry in my grief wanting to tell people I’m done with all that keeps me going somedays. I’m trying to be Job even though people see my grief still praising God because, I know that’s what you would do, I will never be able to get that image out of my head. The day dad was proven innocent of a lie at work (Lowe’s) but instead of keeping him to save face for the store and the company they fired him. He called you to tell you he was on the way home. You began to clean up the house, cranked up the worship music, and anointed the doors. After this you began to dance you wanted to be dancing while dad walked thru the door….That’s the woman I want to be so strong for myself as well as my family but, I am feel like a bridge after a massive bombing crumbling but still holding but feeling my strength wain. It’s sad but there are days I wish I didn’t miss you had you been less of a great mom this would be so much easier to let go of, this ache in my soul, this grand canyon of a hole in my heart. I will press-on mom just like you would have wanted me to, I will do all the adventures we talked about taking together! All those promises I made four months I am keeping one day at a time. I love you mom.