Leveling Up: Dating in Your 30’s

The Stage is set. It’s Friday night you and your girls went to that cute local bar you saw blown up all over your Instagram, the drinks are delicious the vibe is right, and the music is perfect your eyes connect with a handsome stranger clearly walking in to come meet up with some of his buddies. You look down then look up to see him keeping eye contact with you even while he is greeting his buddies at the stand up tables across the bar his smile makes your cheeks flush. Soon he comes up to the bar and orders a round of drinks for his crew you look over at him smiling hoping it’s enough to entice him over to where you and your girls are chilling. He stays by the bar waiting for his order but he keeps his eyes on you, so you approach the bar asking for another whatever your having hoping its bold enough he’ll say hey. It works! Now you’re chatting while his buddies drinks begin to sweat, and drip on the bar. Sounds like a rom-com right? Well actually back in the day we use to have so many amazing “meet cutes” (movie talk for when the may love interests meet for the first time). Now we have “digital dating zones” that have recently really blown up thanks to COVID and 2020, of course thanks to the show “Ca-tFish” women today have become mini platoons of FBI agents making sure they are talking to who they really think they are! It’s tiring and frankly frustrating. Recently I have felt like the one-hit wonder, I’ve tried dating two guys (separate times chill haha). And the first date has always been mind-blowing amazing!!! They pick a great place the conversation is wonderful, the activity is perfect, you connect your heart flutters has he drops you off hoping for that first kiss praying you remember the mint in the bathroom before you left the restaurant, or on the way to the car so that you didn’t smell like the chicken tacos you just ate. The way I can tell I’m having a good date is that he never engages with his phone till after he offers to drive me home. When we just sit there connecting, talking about everything and nothing all at once. Watching him as he talks seeing what he’s passionate about, does he use his hands like me when he gets excited. Is he dancing to the music in the restaurant in his seat very subtly, does he smile wider every time I share something new about myself? I’ve only had one date recently where all the above happened my heart was so excited I swore he could probably hear it. And then the next week starts off great the date was great so you have flutters that last through the week conversations via text (of course). Then all of sudden he becomes colder, he tells its work and he’s busy he asks for a second or even third date but suddenly he can’t even worse he doesn’t show up, no explanation no text back. You give him space you think, maybe I came on too strong I’ll give him space so him I respect his personal time. Knowing that alone time is needed in our generation particularly because some of us are just discovering who we truly are, and what career paths we want. Nothing silence, 3 days of nothing turn into 2 weeks so you say good-bye and wish them luck, over text of course because you can’t get a face to face whether he’s 25 minutes away or 2 hours away you feel like you were good but not great enough to be worth the effort of sticking around. I miss the days of cute meeting stories like my folks met through my dad’s best friend at a Pizza Hut where he worked with mom at, my dad was coming to hangout and the rest as they say is history. Today we let the digital world give us an algorithm to show all these perfect guys for us, BUT WAIT you’ll get an even better algorithm if you pay a monthly fee of…..and then you pool narrows down even more. I don’t about you ladies but hitting 30 this year, I’m tired I’ve even decided taking another hiatus from dating so that maybe I can reflect on myself. Is anybody else wanting there “meet cute” and feeling like they are the rule not the exception. I guess I am waiting to be someone’s exception I also believe dating apps can work I’ve seen it with some of my friends but I think I am online dating burnt out. Maybe it’s time to go back to the classic line: “so do you come here often?” While leaning up against that local bar.