Love Lost and Love Found: Loving yourself after a Breakup
It’s so cheesy but it’s true you must love yourself first before introducing someone to love what, happens when you do and then that love disappears because they can’t love you the way you need? Does it not chip away that coating of love for yourself, you had so skillfully curated forged in the fires of your heart of self discovery, love of who you are, and who are becoming. Then he walks in the Rouge with a wounded heart so sure are you that your heart which, is bigger than Montana as been told to you by countless people outside of your family you think I love myself I can also love this very attractive broken man…. Yeah girl run! Do you listen to the prick in your spirit when he goes from being loveable to distant? Oh no you pursue harder thinking he’s just never had real genuine authentic love because of the verbal and physical abuse he sustained in the last relationship, he just needs more time, and more tenderness. So you give more grace to his faults and issues ignoring the pain they bring you even when he confesses he was so lonely one night you were busy that he was willing to drive almost three hours away for just a sloppy booty call. You cry, you weep in front of him and yet you still look at him, only seeing the injured man in front of you who is looking and begging you to hate him.
So you decide forgiveness is the only thing to fix it, with shaky breath you say those words that break you; “I forgive you.” Tell me truthfully how does that not chip and ding your armor of self love? It does so you try to justify their bad behavior with it’s just trauma driven. Then here it comes you feel better that you get over the hurdle of all of this feeling like you’ve guys have finally hit a better healthier spot it happens, you go over ready to be sweet and lovely dovey , and he hits with it “I want to break-up.” You just sit there dumbfounded, what?! He looks at you with no love in his eyes and says the sentence that just rips your heart out; “ I cannot love you the way you love me, and I don’t want your love, I want to have someone more violent.” Stunned you almost want to punch him now. You just sit there suddenly laughter begins to leave your lips you get up out the chair you were curled up in, walk to the door before turning around looking him dead in the eye, “I’m so relieved this isn’t about me, you are the problem here.” Then you ask to go home. And you feel brave, strong, tough and on fire like yay I stood up for myself, I did it. He drops you off at home you hand him the necklace you bought each other and say goodbye. Then you close the door. Feelings endless feelings of remorse regret, and grief kick in so fast it feels like a sledge hammer to the stomach, hot angry tears stream down your face. Being kind and nice is not easy, it’s the hardest life to live forgiveness is hard, caring is hard. Being mean and negative is so easy but you know you can’t do it. That’s not the life you want to live. So you do what your suppose to do reflection take a break from the dating scene and make sure you are spiritually healthy again.
Now here you are a year later and back out in the dating world, receiving rejection after rejection, literally matching with guys on these ridiculous apps, only to have them unmatch from you before you even say; “hi…” Gentlemen let me say this right now, STOP IT!! Ugh how does someone meet anyone organically anymore? Wish I was in movies like When Harry met Sally or You’ve Got Mail. Being a Hopeful Romantic however you’re not giving up hope, you still dream of the love you deserve and one day will have. For now you’ll just be happy with who you are dealing with the the rejections like junk mail and throw them away. It’s okay to love the way you do never let anyone tell you that it’s too much!
Sustainable Fashion Trend Choices For 2023
This season as I previewed the fashion trends of the NYC, Paris, and London I realized I began instead of making a list of things to purchasing I instead began, to say out loud: “What do I already own?” taking my phone upstairs with me as I peered through my very abundant closet (My father would tell you I have enough clothes to clothe all of Africa, and still have some leftover for myself haha). Soon I began checking off items on the 2023 Fall Fashion Trends list I had already in my possession. So here our my top 10 trends I will be investing sustainably because; I already own them.
Leather Coat: I have a distressed vintage moto leather jacket and since distressed leather jackets are on trend right now I can check it off my list.
Oversized Buttons: This item, is a classic must-have for any basic wardrobe and obviously has we get into the colder months we are planning on tube tops forever. I’d say invest in at least three-four of them to have for any occasion or event.
Midi-Skirt: This season of fall there is a definite effort in the more feminine. Skirts in my opinion are a must have in any closet whether you are vintage or sporty its an easy outfit to put together going from day to night.
A tailored Vest: This is a recent add to the Fashion world since summer 2023, we now dare to wear the vest as a shirt on its own paired with a third piece item such as a denim jacket, or blazer whether to dress it up or down.
Mary Janes: These shoes have made a comeback yet again, they were popular during spring 2023 and with the weather turning cooler I do believe we will see more footwear become close-toed.
Straight-leg denim: This is a tried and true that doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. Always good with owning denim having at least three pairs in multiple different washes so that you can play around with dressing-up or down your outfit depending on location, and event.
Loafers: We are seeing yet again another classic footwear item resurge out of its dusty box. Loafers again are a classic that should genuinely be a staple in anyone’s closet even it’s just one pair……I own three pairs haha.
Mock-turtleneck top: These are a MUST HAVE!!! I have about five three of which are tank-top style for easy layering opportunities without overheating myself. This is also a perfect top to get in 3/4 sleeve length makes the top slightly cute-elegant by dressing a pair of overalls, or helping keep that midi-skirt look a little more casual for that brunch date.
Trench Coat: Again another classic who will never die. This coat is meant to add that polished finish to anyone going out on the town.
Fitted Blazer: Last but certainly never least, a fitted blazer. This fall season just seems to scream back to classic basics not designer is trying to reinvent the wheel in fact it has seemed they are all trying to get back to the classic basics that made fashion iconic and memorable. I’d say if you’re going to own blazers having at 3-4 is a necessary must. 1) fitted black blazer 2) oversized khaki or grey blazer (it always comes back into play). 3) plaid blazer (usually a grey would be wise). 4) one colorful one of your choice! I usually lean towards, red pink, or blue.
At 31 yrs old I am trying to turn my closet less into a shopping channel fantasy and more into an investment into myself! I hope this helps anyone who is trying to decide which trends that want to invest in this falls season maybe, go look through your closet and see if you already have it!
If you’d like to see how you can put all these fabulous pieces together for incredible outfits, follow me on instagram: esthers_closet_92
Restart Your Wardrobe: 37 pieces for a Revamp
Even the greats in fashion know its not the clothes, it’s how you wear them! However, it does help if you have the proper tools in your repertoire. Below is going to be a list of 37 items all timeless classic that stand the past the fads, trends, and fashion seasons. Now I can hear you now “Victoria that’s all good and dandy but I’m on the budget.” No worries my fashionista you probably have a few of these in your closet right now. Investing in your wardrobe is investing in yourself, these items will help you create balance, as well as look incredible.
White Blouse: This right here you can play with it whether its sheer with aplicas or a sweet femine cut top made from linen. always looking like an icon in it.
Blazer: Now this specific item I’d say to have at least three of them: Black fitted, oversized in a classic pattern like; herringbone, plaid, or stripes. Third and final have a fun one in a bit of pop of color I always lean towards blues, or reds.
Button-up: Same with these guys you should have at least four on hand one black, one white, one light classic blue, and the other let it be fun whether stripes, polka-dots, or a great pattern like floral for a pop of fun in any outfit.
Classic Clean cut Jeans: The cut of jean depends on you! I again like to keep on hands of four pairs. Acid wash, dark wash, a classic indigo blue. one pair is straight legged, one high-waisted, one flare, and one classic skinny (Yes I said skinny they are great!).
a pair of white sneakers: I prefer I timeless vintage style of all white or a cream color that can pair easily with any item in your closet including a suit.
dress pants: three pairs, black, navy blue, and one in a khaki color or camel.
Kitten heels: another classy shoe perfect in black
Loafers: Three pairs; Black, Mauve or a Nude color, and one print i.e. Cheetah, or Leopard
Trench Coat: This timeless coat is perfect for any season. Color wise I prefer a traditional color like a camel or a grey.
Utility Jacket: I love these I have two one in khaki and one in an army green.
Cream colored Tank: I prefer a knit or ribbed cut tank fitted so that I can tuck it in to be able to pair it with many outfit ideas.
a classic tiny belt: I’d say two one brown, one black.
Denim Jacket: Two jackets one in a dark wash and classic cut, and one oversized in a lighter wash.
Printed Dress: I am a polka dot, fruit or floral girl so I have about three-four must have on-hand dresses. Again area you can play with.
Denim Skirt: Two skirts one midi, and one short a-line skirts.
Pointed-Toe Pumps: Two pairs one black, and one soft color like a white-bluish color or a nude.
Maxi Dress: I like own at least two of these. One printed, one solid color.
Ankle Boots: three pairs, Black, Brown, and lastly grey or nude.
LBD: Your Little Black Dress should be a reflection of you at your most sexiest and then one more conservative for any functions like funerals or dinner parties where you need to beautiful but modest.
Pleated Midi Skirt: I own three skirts; blush, maroon, and black.
shoulder bag: I say you should have three. One everyday, one date night, and one for travel.
White Tshirt: Three is the magic number here again! One in a classic crew cut, one v-neck, and one oversized.
Cozy Cardigan: Three colors black, tan and one pop of color I have pink.
Leather Jacket: A classic cut like a moto or dad jacket.
Sophisticated jewelry: Choose a metal that fits your skin-tone. I am a gold girl.
Classic pair of sunglasses: Always a must for a fashion icon.
Tailored vest: I prefer these in either black or camel but the choice is up to you.
Slip dress: Again I’d say have a least two of these one in linen and one in silk or satin fabric color choices are up to you! I’m a sucker for a red slip dress myself.
Hope this list helps even the indecisive person begin their fashion journey this can all you get or this can be the foundation for even more playful fashion adventures await. Can’t wait to see all you come with it! And as always make it your own!
Have Courage & be Kind: Life of a caring Girl
As I sit here with a big bowl of Neapolitan ice-cream writing one of my hardest blogs yet, basically exposing my heart, thoughts, and feelings. Everyone assumes you are people pleaser because you care or that, you would rather care for others than yourself. This is dead wrong. In reality your goal is to leave a little bit of sunshine where ever you go because, you’ve also endured heartache, hardships and even a form of loss. However even with the intention of good can you actually be toxic to someone during their time of growth? The answer is yes.
Recently opening my heart I thought my caring self would be what someone would need to help continue their path on the road to strength, recovery. Sadly this didn’t happen instead it had the reverse effect my caring heart confide them to a mindset of toxicity was better because my care and love continually confused, baffled, and in a constant state of feeling like they were eventually going to fail and break my heart so terribly that it would end any friendship we had, on top of our relationship so instead they ended the relationship feeling like their addictions had changed into something else something more toxic. So now here I am alone but not feeling to blame but realizing sometimes you have to let go, letting everything become a distant beautiful memory while, the other person is able to breathe, more capable of growth and freedom. Being kind is one of the hardest things you can do on a daily basis everyone assumes its easy, and fake but it’s not the work that goes into telling yourself that people don’t have to understand you. This is where the courage comes into play being kind to people is one of the bravest things someone can do it is a thankless process somedays, somedays you don’t even want to bother because all people do is heckle you just to try to get a rise out of waiting to see if you’ll finally crack underneath their negative oppressive attitude, in their mind this cold tiny way of thinking is freedom.
Now you want the happy ending? I get to watch my friend grow and improve their lives without the shackle that was my very genuine love for them because they are doing it on their own with their own free will. What about me? Do I still love them?! OF COURSE! But I know that it won’t help them see who I see them to be, the incredible person, the world changer that they are. They have a heart that wants to protect the defenseless, and the confidence to speak up if something isn’t right. Now I can still cheer them on just not on stage with them but from the bleachers, all the while continuing to be myself knowing one day I will be seen for who I am and find love with the right person who ever that will be. That I need to be content within myself and see my worthiness. One day I too will be on a stage but not for someone else, it will be just for me.
Spring is in the Air: trends to look out for in 2023
Spring is coming so SOON!!! And I for one always look forward to seeing what sweet soft frilly things will be gracing the runway, and more importantly my closet. Lately I pray somethings stick around, or come back into season so I don’t have to go shopping for a whole new closet lol. Lucky for us quite a few things from winter seem to be transitioning into this spring season! Below will be my top 15 trends you will be seeing in my closet or that I will be purchasing!
Leather jackets: Now the fashion world is really loving leather bomber jackets right now however they keep bringing up leather coats in general. So I have a classic leather coat which I will be wearing.
Ballet flats: Ballet flats were announced as a shoe staple to go with our holiday outfits in 2022 but it seems we will be dancing our way into the wedding season wearing these sweet little slippers all night long.
metallic: I know I know 2003 called they want their tops back. HOWEVER a little shine in your closet never hurt anyone. I recently purchased a soft pink shiny off shoulder silk top. I plan on wearing her to cute events with friends and on a cruise coming up for dinner reservations.
color trend: LILAC: OH MY GOODNESS how much I love purple!!!!! So excited for this color trend this season, I will be purchasing more lilac items because my few pieces, are more for colder weather because this color trend seems to have traveled through the winter season to spring.
color trend: RED: Hello gorgeous who doesn’t love a sexy number in red am I right? Well we are seeing red all over this spring season of the runway. Red is another color I love so I thankfully already own pieces in the fabulous color red.
Straight legged jeans: Classic cut jeans are a timeless piece that doesn’t seem to be changing traveling through the fashion cosmos, it travels like Doctor Who in its TARDIS haha. Which on a side note is the perfect shade of denim blue.
print trend: Polka dots: Polka dots are here to stay seems this spring we are really realigning with our classic more traditional prints. Personally I love fashion icons like Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel those women knew how to dress. Having a hard time finding inspiration for what to buy polka dots in? Go to Youtube and watch runway walks.
print trend: Stripes: we have the fashionable french girl for this spring trend.
Oversized Button-up blouses: Again I really feel that the fashion world is definitely trying to get back to their fashion roots and help clean out some closets. I love a classy button-up and own several.
Retro Sneakers: WHO ARE YOU STEVE JOBS?! Hahaha if you don’t know this line go watch “Crazy Stupid Love” right now it’s on HBOmax. You’re welcome. I love a cute sneaker and frankly despise a overly chunky one especially with my tiny feet so, I’m so grateful for this trend being able to shop shoes I feel will suit my footsize much better.
Maxi Skirts: Now I am only 5’1” so over long things don’t always work for me that being said, I love crop tops in classic tee styles so I’m looking forward to purchasing a few more skirts so I can wear them together.
Denim on Denim: this is a trend that the fashion world has a on again, off again relationship, I prefer to make sure my key pieces are classic cuts to them so that they flow well and create a seamless outfit.
Cottagecore or Balletcore: these style choices offer an air of softness that one might expect during the spring season, smaller floral prints, drop waistlines, and flowy full skirts. Everything lays on you like a beautiful dancer getting ready to try-out for Swan Lake.
Cardigans: Whether in a classic cut or oversized cardigans are here to stay. Some are making them more of a statement piece by wearing them in cute bright colors, or bold prints. I own one in cashmere in soft ballet pink I look forward to pairing it with other blouses.
FINALLY COLOR TREND: BLACK IS BACK! Ladies go out and purchase your LBD! I have to say I am so shocked by this one but at the same time I’ve been saying this whole blog the fashion industry is trying to get back to the classic basics. So this color trend shouldn’t surprise me. I’ve seen a few mesh pieces on the runways so it wouldn’t surprise me if this color trend transferred over to the summer season with more sporty looks for those trips to the pool.
I really looking forward to putting some outfits together these next couple months and posting them on my instagram! GO CHECK ME out!! esthers_closet_92 I post on Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays! Look forward to more fashion and fun with you lovelies, and remember to make the trends your own.
Back to Basics: Fall/winter capsule Wardrobe
Okay my peeps it’s time to Marie Kondo our way to a classy closet. Now if you’re anything like me the real reason your closet is so massive outside of your love for fashion but, the fact that for quite a long season it was really hard for you to have fashionable, and trendy clothes.
Two reasons being;
1) plus-size since you were 13 and 2) affordability so when you began having your own money to spend on clothes you could make YOUR OWN DECISIONS!
So like me you may have went a little crazy sometimes. Now that the dust has settled and so have our hips now entering our 30’s we are less materialistic, and more about confident and timeless pieces in our closets so that we can be fabulous! The capsule closet I’m about to give you is what I would call the classic beginner closet, it contains 44 pieces including two hats, two purses, three pairs of shoes. Let this be the beacon of hope for organization and peace of mind. Now for all my minimalists out there I know most capsule wardrobes are like 20-36 items, and all I have to say is “cut a girl some slack jack!” Hahaha we are working our way to being the Queen like Kondo! Below will be the list to follow for your closet make-up!
44 PIECE CAPSULE FALL/WINTER CLOSET
3 COATS: oversized blazer, denim jacket, leather motto, black classic cut blazer
3 Pairs of Denim: black denim high-waisted straight leg, classic wide leg, darkwash skinny
3 button-ups: classic white, black, stripes
2 pairs of slacks: Black, either a print or camel
3 Tees: Oversized classic white, cropped black, print (the print is up to you! Wear what you love!!)
2 Graphic T’s: Choose you either a)most memorable or b) what ones have the best colors you can switch up and pair well.
3 Sweat Shirts
2 mock necks
3 bodysuits: you’ll thank me later
3 dresses: LBD, Maxi, color or print
3 Knits: cardigan, pull-over, long
1 of overalls
2 vests (make your choices!)
3 pairs of shoes: loafers, classic sneakers, heeled boots
2 hats: fedora and beanie or beret
3 purses: crossbody, satchel, clutch.
Alright my beauties good luck!
Fall 2022 trends I am Getting Behind
The crisp in the air of this mid October has told me that FALL IS FINALLY HERE in VA!!! I keep up on the latest trends this season there seem to be so MANY I feel like 2020 created a stock pile of clothes everyone is dying to wear and now we finally can go to brunches, pumpkin patches, and wineries so we are ready to show them off. Now being a plus-size I am all for wearing what you want however, I want them to be flattering too so these are my top ten trends I will be using this fall not to mention as much as I love to shop I also like being able to use what I already have so I chose these trends also because, I know I have some of them in my closet!
Oversized sweaters: It’s cozy season I’m all for layers perfect for the farmers market, shopping trips with the girls, and pumpkin patch shenanigans the event can determine the colors and prints on your sweaters like, stripes for a coffee date, or a logo sweater for a casual shopping trip!
Tailored Blazer: three words, closet, classic, staple! This is a piece every fashion girl should have in their closet! Easily makes a casual pair of jeans and a t-shirt into an outfit you are sure to receive compliments on!
Leather coat: right now the trend is oversized coats however being a short (5’1”) fashion plus-size girl I will have it a little more tailored so that I don’t look stumpy as I like to call it. Again a great classy leather coat is a must-have in the basic closet department! Whether traveling or go to you nearest city it is a piece that can define an outfits aesthetic.
Baseball caps/Dad caps: If I had to admit being obsessed with something…this would be my confession my collection is ever growing! I am all about a great hat I love to wear hats and hats are honestly my friend! These caps are perfect for making outfits seem effortless, and low-key. Best advice keep them simple, keep the color pallet in basic colors that way it’s easy to pair with any outfit!
Loafers: GIRL who knew I’d loves these it is one of the easiest ways to add a pop to any outfit not comfortable with big colors, or print on your pants or shirt? PERFECT wear it on your feet! I love adding color with my shoes it makes my outfit feel complete, and always trendy!
High-Waisted Jeans: I would consider these a great investment for a plus-size girl they help make my well rounded waist a little more cinched, and curvy the cut of the jeans this year seem to be straight with a little more width to them…I love my skinny jeans but I like a classic cut too! My tip for these is quality over quantity.
Ankle Boots: Now this 2022 season they are preferring heeled boots over Chelsea boots now I believe in not spending too much money on having a ton of shoes however boots are one of those items that if they aren’t quality you’ll be purchasing new one within 18 months. If you don’t have a quality pair buy at least two pairs, this way you can have a pair in black and a tan, camel, or brown pair for your outfits.
Vests: Whether tailored or a knit vest this fall is all about it! This is an item I will be investing in this fall season especially a tailored vest, these items are timeless pieces we will see return I guarantee it!
Matching Sweater Sets: This makes me feel very Princess Diaries I LOVE IT!!! My 90’s self loves it I have one set already in soft bubble gum pink! Which is a another trend this fall 2022 pastel colors, instead of more autumn colors this year! This set will also work come February fingers crossed maybe by then I’ll have a cute lunch date haha!
Trench Coats: Another article of clothing I will be investing in whether battling the cool air of London or just needing a great coat for grocery shopping. Owning a trench coat is a must-have! I haven’t owned one before but I love them planning on purchasing one this year! This coat is one of those coat styles that ABSOLUTELY NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE!!
Fashion is always subjective to change however I continue to believe in seeing what the trends will be and making them your own! No trend will work without confidence so if you’re not confident in what you are wearing you won’t be happy. My favorite saying from one of my favorite stylists is; It’s not a makeover its a make better, you are special and beautiful already fashion is just meant to enhance that!
Leveling Up: Dating in Your 30’s
The Stage is set. It’s Friday night you and your girls went to that cute local bar you saw blown up all over your Instagram, the drinks are delicious the vibe is right, and the music is perfect your eyes connect with a handsome stranger clearly walking in to come meet up with some of his buddies. You look down then look up to see him keeping eye contact with you even while he is greeting his buddies at the stand up tables across the bar his smile makes your cheeks flush. Soon he comes up to the bar and orders a round of drinks for his crew you look over at him smiling hoping it’s enough to entice him over to where you and your girls are chilling. He stays by the bar waiting for his order but he keeps his eyes on you, so you approach the bar asking for another whatever your having hoping its bold enough he’ll say hey. It works! Now you’re chatting while his buddies drinks begin to sweat, and drip on the bar. Sounds like a rom-com right? Well actually back in the day we use to have so many amazing “meet cutes” (movie talk for when the may love interests meet for the first time). Now we have “digital dating zones” that have recently really blown up thanks to COVID and 2020, of course thanks to the show “Ca-tFish” women today have become mini platoons of FBI agents making sure they are talking to who they really think they are! It’s tiring and frankly frustrating. Recently I have felt like the one-hit wonder, I’ve tried dating two guys (separate times chill haha). And the first date has always been mind-blowing amazing!!! They pick a great place the conversation is wonderful, the activity is perfect, you connect your heart flutters has he drops you off hoping for that first kiss praying you remember the mint in the bathroom before you left the restaurant, or on the way to the car so that you didn’t smell like the chicken tacos you just ate. The way I can tell I’m having a good date is that he never engages with his phone till after he offers to drive me home. When we just sit there connecting, talking about everything and nothing all at once. Watching him as he talks seeing what he’s passionate about, does he use his hands like me when he gets excited. Is he dancing to the music in the restaurant in his seat very subtly, does he smile wider every time I share something new about myself? I’ve only had one date recently where all the above happened my heart was so excited I swore he could probably hear it. And then the next week starts off great the date was great so you have flutters that last through the week conversations via text (of course). Then all of sudden he becomes colder, he tells its work and he’s busy he asks for a second or even third date but suddenly he can’t even worse he doesn’t show up, no explanation no text back. You give him space you think, maybe I came on too strong I’ll give him space so him I respect his personal time. Knowing that alone time is needed in our generation particularly because some of us are just discovering who we truly are, and what career paths we want. Nothing silence, 3 days of nothing turn into 2 weeks so you say good-bye and wish them luck, over text of course because you can’t get a face to face whether he’s 25 minutes away or 2 hours away you feel like you were good but not great enough to be worth the effort of sticking around. I miss the days of cute meeting stories like my folks met through my dad’s best friend at a Pizza Hut where he worked with mom at, my dad was coming to hangout and the rest as they say is history. Today we let the digital world give us an algorithm to show all these perfect guys for us, BUT WAIT you’ll get an even better algorithm if you pay a monthly fee of…..and then you pool narrows down even more. I don’t about you ladies but hitting 30 this year, I’m tired I’ve even decided taking another hiatus from dating so that maybe I can reflect on myself. Is anybody else wanting there “meet cute” and feeling like they are the rule not the exception. I guess I am waiting to be someone’s exception I also believe dating apps can work I’ve seen it with some of my friends but I think I am online dating burnt out. Maybe it’s time to go back to the classic line: “so do you come here often?” While leaning up against that local bar.
The “plus-size” Stagnation
The “plus-size” stagnation is just like companies calling themselves “green” in order to earn the points in their brand for being organic, or clean but without putting the work, or effort of striving for what is best. In the beginning being plus-size meant the only clothes you could wear look like they came straight from your grandmother’s closet. in high-school 2006-2010 it was a challenge to find “fashionable” outfits going to the mall meant watching my friends shop and try-on cute outfits while I felt embarrassed. Receiving looks from the store associates who were whispering about me, I even had one be bold enough to tell me they didn’t carry my size in their store. During this time I found my style drastically shifted from girly to straight emo punk skater (I know what a mouthful haha). However companies like HotTopic had plus size in their edgy apparel so my with geekiness, and growing in my love for anime, manga, and my Chemical Romance. Not to mention I could easily find a HotTopic in a mall since it was the one store I could shop in. Soon in my early twenty’s I found Torrid, later I would find out HotTopic created this wonderful brand. Now we come full circle and many brands have come up such as Arula, Eloquii, FashionNova Curve, and many more have begun to offer gorgeous plus-size fits. Now many name brands like AE, Holister, H&M and other well known mall elders have begun to pursue the “plus-size market” within the last decade. However one gap still needs to be filled the over 20s. As a almost 30 year old I now find that my style has yet again shifted just like my hips haha. I want to be fashionable, more mature, and of course comfortable. Pinterest has become my best friend for helping me create better outfits and see who provides some great deals. I also follow Who What Wear newsletter they provide you with current color trends and all other fashion trends for the season. I LOVE using them to decide how I want to embrace the trends within my style wheel. Sadly though not many companies try to do this with their plus-size styles that they offer. It is time once again that our plus-size demographic take by their fashion soapbox! companies who have been with us since we were younger don’t seem to be growing, and changing with us it seems that they are trying to snatch up a wider age bracket in their customer demographic but are sadly missing the mark. Even though we have come so far there is still so much ground work to be covered. This is why I have begun my personal styling business so that I can better assist the shopping needs.
the Journey of Grief: Living with It
It’s been four months to the day since you’ve been gone mom………where do I start is it possible to tell all the turbulence of emotions I have felt over this time. Then watching several other friends face the same gaping cavern of a hole that is losing not only a loved one but someone who was cherished and changed very cultures just by being themselves. Mom do you realize that you probably help save countless of “Millennials” from becoming what others see them as?! Can you fathom the love that you showed to complete strangers just because you could see that they needed a hug? You always saw your short comings, always feared you would become vengeful, and bitter like your dad……………Nope you wouldn’t let that kind of generational curse take hold of you. You fought with prayer and worship. You were human but you loved well mom. Which is why this is so hard for the rest of us. We know Jesus/God has not abandoned us he has simply called you home. I’ve had people tell me he needed someone to run the kitchens up there so he had to call you back. Wish he couldn’t of waited till you could of gone to two more weddings and met at least one of your grandkids. I fear of becoming Job’s wife and being angry in my grief wanting to tell people I’m done with all that keeps me going somedays. I’m trying to be Job even though people see my grief still praising God because, I know that’s what you would do, I will never be able to get that image out of my head. The day dad was proven innocent of a lie at work (Lowe’s) but instead of keeping him to save face for the store and the company they fired him. He called you to tell you he was on the way home. You began to clean up the house, cranked up the worship music, and anointed the doors. After this you began to dance you wanted to be dancing while dad walked thru the door….That’s the woman I want to be so strong for myself as well as my family but, I am feel like a bridge after a massive bombing crumbling but still holding but feeling my strength wain. It’s sad but there are days I wish I didn’t miss you had you been less of a great mom this would be so much easier to let go of, this ache in my soul, this grand canyon of a hole in my heart. I will press-on mom just like you would have wanted me to, I will do all the adventures we talked about taking together! All those promises I made four months I am keeping one day at a time. I love you mom.
Retail, Runway and Life
“Life is too short to wear boring clothes.”— Coco Chanel
Have you ever taken a job based of the promise of growth and career solidarity? I think it’s safe to say many of you raised your hands, while even more of you chuckled at this sentence. Due to the fact you are now stunk in this life sucking job that was promised to you to be more of an investment in yourself, being able to create a generous work life balance that would be able to encourage your creative juices in order for you to grow. I completely understand because less than a year ago I made that choice but life soon, quickly changed for me and the scales fell off my eyes in order to see what I was truly working for. Let me say this right now as a plus size woman it is hard sometimes to be taken seriously due to the fact that jobs/careers will take one look at your physical appearance (recruiters) and already assume that your body shape somehow limits your ability for you to do your job successfully. So of course when a company promotes body positivity of course you assume that they will be the perfect place for a job. Well what do they say by assuming? That’s right don’t do it. There is so much to be said for listening to the “right” people who is in your leadership……recently read an article by Harvard Business stated that it’s better to fire toxic people within the company than it is to continue hiring good workers. Can I just say how accurate this is!! I had an extreme situation happen to my family, and my boss called me the day of my mom being declared dead informing I would probably have to work the weekend because no one, and I MEAN NO ONE was willing to help my boss while she was away at another store helping them with their inventory then when my DM called them they lied and said she never called them. I was then informed by an associate they grumbled the whole time and complained about being in our store the whole time…….now I know you’re jaw has just fallen to the ground. It’s not like my ankle broke and I can come in on crutches muddling my way around my store no, my mom died, my mom who was told she could fight her very extreme third round of cancer that came from her breast has now attacked her abdomen, lungs, liver and bones…..the day of her first infusion she dies. These same people who weren’t willing to help are now being promoted and rewarded for bad behavior and influences while I’m being told that my eleven credit cards that I got in one week needs to be more dispersed amongst my team. I stayed away for a week and came back to work, no but my own store manager got me flowers and a card. My dad’s own district and regional manager sent him a card saying sorry for your loss. Not my upper leadership, nothing just a hug while I was at work and a vague response to make sure I take care of myself. No store managers in my district said a thing to me. When I tell you read Glass-Door before you join a company do it please save yourself some heartache, I’d even encourage you during your interview use a hypothetical situation of life happening and see how they respond. So now that being said I have been back at work, working my butt off watching all of this promoting of toxic people unfold…..and I have had enough I know my value. So I start thinking back to when I went to the NRT convention in New York City in 2020 before COVID. I remember when the Starbucks CFO got up to speak and she said something that apparently stuck with me which was; “your career path can be made up of different places to lead where you should be, not where you think you should be…” I then began to weigh what I’ve been neglecting that I thought I would be able to spend more time on with having a “fashion job” and realized all of it has been neglected. So right then and there in the comfort of my bed I made my choice, it was time to leave. Guys all this ranting to be transparent if your upper upper management isn’t supporting you and making you feel valued no matter how many times they say you are, it’s okay to leave.
Sizing Matters: Fashion inclusiveness on model sizes
The fashion world has recently come a long way in the realm of including more double digit sizes in their design. Inclusiveness has become a major game changer from models to department stores including plus size market in their fashion wheel. There are several original companies that were created for just plus size women one of them being Dress Barn.
In the last couple years Dress Barn announced the closing of not some but ALL of their retail locations due to financial issues. Dress Barn made the drastic decision to turn their stores to online only. Originally, they had intended to close everything altogether leaving the retail world for good. Dress Barn was created in a time when the fashion world really snubbed their nose at people who were bigger than a size 10. Come the mid 2000's however, Dress Barn began to have competition as other retailers realized what a niche market was waiting to be scooped up as its own fashion retail market.
The areas I personally believe Dress Barn started their decline is that they never really truly changed with the times, and fashion of the generations of plus size women also changed along the way. With more retailers creating options, it caused the retailer's niche market to only look to Dress Barn sometimes versus going everyday for their needs. When you entered a Dress Barn store they were always clean, but as a young woman in her late 20's I rarely found more than two items I liked, if that, when shopping. Their clothing felt dated and the patterns were rarely up to date with trends in the fashion world. As someone who has been plus sized most of her teen to adult life, the goal was to never actually feel super different when it came to your size/ You wanted your clothes to look like all the others girls in your age group.
Already feeling isolated at being able to shop with some of my girlfriends in the same stores in the mall, it was so much more uncomfortable when I felt like the plus size stores available made me look like my mom and not like the exploring teenager I was in my fashion statement yearning for the ability to create my style! As teenagers we go on a journey of creative discovery looking towards so many outlets to be our guides. Sadly, for me that wasn’t easy since so many stores were so set in their ways.
Inevitably I either wore over-sized paisley prints or just funky dark colors in a baby-doll cut top. Dress Barn was so set in their styles there was no new room to create journeys of fashion discovery for the young plus size women in the world. Dress Barn began to falter and fail even more as companies like Torrid took away a wide section of their niche market due to it's ability to be more inclusive of all age groups and with their ability to create work appropriate clothing while still keeping it young and fashion forward.
Being first in the market or trend of any fashion retailer makes it very hard to stay on top, because you have to grow many times. Your mistakes are those other retailers learn from to become the competition. You, as a retailer, have to learn from and grow into the better competitor. IF you don't grow you cannot possibly survive in the fashion world.
Reflection Breeds Invention: How do Trends Survive?
In my very last semester with SNHU I was able to take a Fashion Management course where trend was the word. This course took the idea of innovation trendsetting and taught us to turn it into a marketing plan for retailers. During this time I truly grasped another side of the passion I have grown, cultivated, and matured over the last two years of my education. For this course we were given the opportunity to develop a marketing plan for either a fashion trend, to create a brand new retailer, or to help develop a new concept for our favorite retailer for promoting successful continuous loyal customers. I was so excited and so nervous at the same time. What could I offer the fashion retail industry? As I began thinking of my own career goals and what I wanted my future career boss to see in me. I knew I needed them to see me as perceptive, honest, with trend knowledge, and, courageous, but most importantly I wanted them to see I was willing to grow and learn. Then it hit me! As a plus sized woman getting ready to enter the career world even in the fashion world you have to look professional: SUITS! Me being me, I love color. I'm a happy bubbly kind of person who says that can’t show in my professional side as well. Monochromatic suits were the answer. As my research continued to unfold I began to see where my trend development plan could come from, career women in their prime of life searching for that signature look that will set them apart from the rest of business world. One way I would help my trend to continue and become timeless is to make sure that this trend changes with the times. Even though right now the highest buyers in the retail industry is the Millennial, but in the next 10-20 years that target market generation will be Generation Z. Generation Z is looking for an inventive immersive shopping experiences. This was mentioned at the NRF conference this year in New York City.
"Ben Kaufman, chief executive of Camp, a network of experiential retail stores with rotating themes, also discussed ways to engage younger shoppers. The chain’s five stores—three in New York City, one in Dallas, and one in Norwalk, Connecticut.—may look like a traditional toy retailer; however, each location has a “magic door” to lead shoppers through a tunnel to an experience that changes every eight to 12 weeks, he said. Themes include Base Camp, Travel Camp, Cooking Camp, and Toy Lab Camp.
Camp’s business model is based on three components, Kaufman said: selling products, selling tickets to experiences, and offering sponsor-ships to brands that can tell their own stories" (Williams). To keep your trend going the goals need to be to fulfill the desires of your target market. Where's our story? Our story is simple we are helping those see there beauty from the outside in, everyone is beautiful now we are creating those moments of our customers seeing their true beauty by created tailor made suits to fit their needs. I truly believe that this trend would indeed become timeless for the reason that it will grow and change with the next rising generations to come in order to get our story across as a fashion industry creating magical moments for their consumers.
Movie Fashion plays a Role in our Clothing Decisions
Going back in time many outfits I wear today have been effected by some of the most iconic movie fashion moments. I always say my style is eclectic, being I borrow a little bit of everything I love. A few in particular include; Alicia Silverstone’s character, Cher in Clueless which immediately makes you think of that yellow plaid matching skirt set; Breakfast at Tiffany's brings to mind the iconic scene of Audrey Hepburn eating her croissant and drinking her deli coffee while wearing, Givenchy's little black dress (LBD) which would change the history of little black dresses for all time. Today's iconic fashion warrior is none other than the fabulous Julia Roberts. in Pretty Woman there were many moments of iconic fashion innovation: from her outfit of shorts, suspenders, and bodysuit when she firsts meets Richard Gere's character, to the fabulously luscious velvet red dress in the dinner scene where forks were the topic of the night, and nothing compares to the fabulous polka dot number she wears at the races.
This polka dot iconic outfit was stylish and epic! She stood out in the thousands of women at the event. This dress enhanced her natural beauty with little effort. This dress would inspire many more to reinvent the polka dress for decades to come. The year is now 2020 30+ years later we can still see the influence of this dress. Recently I purchased a polka dot dress from Torrid clothing. I knew I had to have it in my closet of fashion must haves! My immediate reaction when I saw this dress was; “OH MY GOSH” it’s like Julia Robert’s dress from Pretty Woman, I have to have it!” Ditching the deep warm tones of chocolate brown they instead went with mauve due to the trendsetting eggplant color that has been sweeping the fashion world. Torrid’s customer base tends to be women who typically have ample chest sizes so their necklines consists of either rounded, or sweetheart to draw the eye into their customers features without giving too much away for free wink wink . I love a jacket dress combo anytime of the year, plus I have a love for the 80's and 90's fashion that cannot be stopped, so adding an acid washed distressed denim jacket was a no brainer. Even though I may not be Julia Roberts by any stretch of the imagination I still felt like a millions bucks! Clearly it doesn't matter what century your favorite movie is from when an outfit is timeless it truly will live on forever.