Love Lost and Love Found: Loving yourself after a Breakup

It’s so cheesy but it’s true you must love yourself first before introducing someone to love what, happens when you do and then that love disappears because they can’t love you the way you need? Does it not chip away that coating of love for yourself, you had so skillfully curated forged in the fires of your heart of self discovery, love of who you are, and who are becoming. Then he walks in the Rouge with a wounded heart so sure are you that your heart which, is bigger than Montana as been told to you by countless people outside of your family you think I love myself I can also love this very attractive broken man…. Yeah girl run! Do you listen to the prick in your spirit when he goes from being loveable to distant? Oh no you pursue harder thinking he’s just never had real genuine authentic love because of the verbal and physical abuse he sustained in the last relationship, he just needs more time, and more tenderness. So you give more grace to his faults and issues ignoring the pain they bring you even when he confesses he was so lonely one night you were busy that he was willing to drive almost three hours away for just a sloppy booty call. You cry, you weep in front of him and yet you still look at him, only seeing the injured man in front of you who is looking and begging you to hate him.

So you decide forgiveness is the only thing to fix it, with shaky breath you say those words that break you; “I forgive you.” Tell me truthfully how does that not chip and ding your armor of self love? It does so you try to justify their bad behavior with it’s just trauma driven. Then here it comes you feel better that you get over the hurdle of all of this feeling like you’ve guys have finally hit a better healthier spot it happens, you go over ready to be sweet and lovely dovey , and he hits with it “I want to break-up.” You just sit there dumbfounded, what?! He looks at you with no love in his eyes and says the sentence that just rips your heart out; “ I cannot love you the way you love me, and I don’t want your love, I want to have someone more violent.” Stunned you almost want to punch him now. You just sit there suddenly laughter begins to leave your lips you get up out the chair you were curled up in, walk to the door before turning around looking him dead in the eye, “I’m so relieved this isn’t about me, you are the problem here.” Then you ask to go home. And you feel brave, strong, tough and on fire like yay I stood up for myself, I did it. He drops you off at home you hand him the necklace you bought each other and say goodbye. Then you close the door. Feelings endless feelings of remorse regret, and grief kick in so fast it feels like a sledge hammer to the stomach, hot angry tears stream down your face. Being kind and nice is not easy, it’s the hardest life to live forgiveness is hard, caring is hard. Being mean and negative is so easy but you know you can’t do it. That’s not the life you want to live. So you do what your suppose to do reflection take a break from the dating scene and make sure you are spiritually healthy again.

Now here you are a year later and back out in the dating world, receiving rejection after rejection, literally matching with guys on these ridiculous apps, only to have them unmatch from you before you even say; “hi…” Gentlemen let me say this right now, STOP IT!! Ugh how does someone meet anyone organically anymore? Wish I was in movies like When Harry met Sally or You’ve Got Mail. Being a Hopeful Romantic however you’re not giving up hope, you still dream of the love you deserve and one day will have. For now you’ll just be happy with who you are dealing with the the rejections like junk mail and throw them away. It’s okay to love the way you do never let anyone tell you that it’s too much!