Have Courage & be Kind: Life of a caring Girl

As I sit here with a big bowl of Neapolitan ice-cream writing one of my hardest blogs yet, basically exposing my heart, thoughts, and feelings. Everyone assumes you are people pleaser because you care or that, you would rather care for others than yourself. This is dead wrong. In reality your goal is to leave a little bit of sunshine where ever you go because, you’ve also endured heartache, hardships and even a form of loss. However even with the intention of good can you actually be toxic to someone during their time of growth? The answer is yes.

Recently opening my heart I thought my caring self would be what someone would need to help continue their path on the road to strength, recovery. Sadly this didn’t happen instead it had the reverse effect my caring heart confide them to a mindset of toxicity was better because my care and love continually confused, baffled, and in a constant state of feeling like they were eventually going to fail and break my heart so terribly that it would end any friendship we had, on top of our relationship so instead they ended the relationship feeling like their addictions had changed into something else something more toxic. So now here I am alone but not feeling to blame but realizing sometimes you have to let go, letting everything become a distant beautiful memory while, the other person is able to breathe, more capable of growth and freedom. Being kind is one of the hardest things you can do on a daily basis everyone assumes its easy, and fake but it’s not the work that goes into telling yourself that people don’t have to understand you. This is where the courage comes into play being kind to people is one of the bravest things someone can do it is a thankless process somedays, somedays you don’t even want to bother because all people do is heckle you just to try to get a rise out of waiting to see if you’ll finally crack underneath their negative oppressive attitude, in their mind this cold tiny way of thinking is freedom.

Now you want the happy ending? I get to watch my friend grow and improve their lives without the shackle that was my very genuine love for them because they are doing it on their own with their own free will. What about me? Do I still love them?! OF COURSE! But I know that it won’t help them see who I see them to be, the incredible person, the world changer that they are. They have a heart that wants to protect the defenseless, and the confidence to speak up if something isn’t right. Now I can still cheer them on just not on stage with them but from the bleachers, all the while continuing to be myself knowing one day I will be seen for who I am and find love with the right person who ever that will be. That I need to be content within myself and see my worthiness. One day I too will be on a stage but not for someone else, it will be just for me.

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